Things that Actually Came Out of People’s Mouths:
- The first time I went to jail…
- Did anyone’s underwear come off?
- Work is like school without the chocolate milk, the playground and the nap. School pretty much rocked.
- New love is like a Slimfast shake, it’s probably healthier than what you had before, but you’ll probably be looking around for something that’s no good for you in a couple of hours.
- I love you, and I would bail you out of jail, but we can’t be discussing why we have to throw away your bloodstained shirt.
- All Black people receive Mary J. Blige’s cd’s as soon as a new one comes out…it’s one of the perks.
- I don’t want to marry her, but she doesn’t need to know that!
- Yeah, if you ever want to get lucky, don’t say that. In fact, silence is sexy.
- My idea of a perfect relationship is from 6-10. No, not people, 6-10pm. Dinner, wine, listen to a little NPR, then s/he has to go home. No rolling around in my 400 threadcount sheets.
- She’s crazy, and I mean crazy crazy, not the good kind of crazy!
Things that Actually Came Out of My Mouth:
What I said: It’s good to hear your voice
What I meant: I miss you
What I said: I miss you
What I meant: I wish you were here
What I said: I wish you were here
What I meant: I wish you were here right now
What I said: That sounds interesting
What I meant: That sounds terrible
What I said: I think we can make that happen
What I meant: Call me when you figure that out
What I said: You owe me $79.00
What I meant: Where’s my moolah punk?