Travel Personalities, pt. i


I’m probably going to HELL for this but…

The main thing I like about traveling is the people. That said I don’t necessarily like ALL of the people all of the time, but everybody’s got a story and I’m curious enough to want to hear it. The people that cause me to roll my eyes are not suffering personality flaws so much as they possess some unfortunate personal/physical/hygienic issue that I simply cannot overlook. Here are a few of the types of travelers that I try to keep an eye out for:

1. The Hackasaurus Rex: This is the person that sits next to or near you on a plane/train/bus that has some (probably contagious) unfortunate upper respiratory disease that causes them to hack non-stop from Albany to Zurich. Absent earphones or earplugs you will not get a moment of sleep because of their persistent cough. They have been coughing so long that they no longer bother (much) to cover their mouth, and you can feel their amoeba attacking your white blood cells before the plane hits the runway. This person is usually between 40 and 60 years old and NEVER has any ‘Tussin, Vicks or cough drops.

** Why I’m going to hell: I recently sat next to a Hackasaurus. She looked healthy and bright eyed when I sat down. 20 minutes later I realized my mistake. I offered her the half-eaten roll of cough drops from my daypack. She took ONE. I was like “oh Hell-to-the-naw, you can keep the whole roll” okay I was only thinking that. She takes the roll and says “they work a little, but not for long. I have lung cancer.” Yes, people I know. Bad Funchilde, I hopefully somewhat redeemed myself by sending up prayers and good vibes for her. We did giggle a bit about some things during the trip but I wanted so badly to reach out and touch her arm and just let her know I was there and I heard her and I was grateful for the health she did have. Unfortunately, we were laughing too much for me to inject that sentimental nonsense into the moment. My grandmother is a breast cancer survivor, I lost my ex father in-law (yeah I’m confused too) and my Aunt Gloria to cancer. I promise, next time I see one of those yellow Livestrong bracelets I’m all over it!

To Be Continued….

So, tell us about some of the whacky characters and charming people you’ve met on the road! 



5 thoughts on “Travel Personalities, pt. i”

  1. strange comments thus far… lemme tell you about the time the snaggle toothed Mexican on a horse “gusta’d me mucho” and attempted to take me home for his wife. He was riding a donkey at the time and fancied himself somewhat of a casanova. That still makes me break out into a sweat and start praying.

  2. funnygirl: pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! okay and wow, i gotta get that story! we HAVE to hash that one out over drinks chica!

    adrienne: welcome, you’re blowing me out of the water here! how did you put 2 + 2 together? enjoying your travels/marathon training.

    schnozz: uh…thanks?!

  3. I have many many people I hate while travelling – but let me limit myself-

    1) The person who is trying to put thier entire belongings into the overhead bin and is determined to crush your belongings to do this – which includes the woman that dropped an gigantic italian Xmas cake on Linda’s head while trying to stuff it into the overhead – not so much a problem after the last airplane plot – is it wrong to feel grateful to terrorists?

    2) The sniffer – this person is like the hacker – except they a) won’t accept a kleenex and b) sniff at least 12 times every MINUTE in a 12 hour flight, and they are sitting right behind you.

    3) Vain guy – this is the guy who manages to switch so he is sitting next to you – gives you a few compliments and then talks about himself for the next 4 hours – he may be hitting on you and figures that simply talking about himself is putting me in a perpetual arousal state of wet and ready or he is a person who has no identity if he isn’t telling someone how incredibly wonderful he is – hard to say.

    4) the loud and drunk (insert your country here – American, Brit, whatever) – nothing more shameful than going on vacation only to find several dozen of your fellow citizens riding motorscooters inside an holy shrine while drunk – or shouting english at the local residents while generally exuding a “ME, ME, ME” attitude. One memorable trip to see the ancient wonders of the world including Rhodes and Ephesus was enriched when the men in our building drunkenly decided to have a belching contest – which then turned into the “nightly drunken belching contest” – ahh falling asleep thinking of the wonders of ancient civilizations while people from your own country are ripping open the night sky with gutterals followed by; “Effing hell, I tasted a bit of lunch on that one!”

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