Category Archives: Bloggie

Evidence of a Life Well Lived, or Debauchery..

Things that Actually Came Out of People’s Mouths:

  1. The first time I went to jail…
  2. Did anyone’s underwear come off?
  3. Work is like school without the chocolate milk, the playground and the nap. School pretty much rocked.
  4. New love is like a Slimfast shake, it’s probably healthier than what you had before, but you’ll probably be looking around for something that’s no good for you in a couple of hours.
  5. I love you, and I would bail you out of jail, but we can’t be discussing why we have to throw away your bloodstained shirt.
  6. All Black people receive Mary J. Blige’s cd’s as soon as a new one comes out…it’s one of the perks.
  7. I don’t want to marry her, but she doesn’t need to know that!
  8. Yeah, if you ever want to get lucky, don’t say that. In fact, silence is sexy.
  9. My idea of a perfect relationship is from 6-10. No, not people, 6-10pm. Dinner, wine, listen to a little NPR, then s/he has to go home. No rolling around in my 400 threadcount sheets.
  10. She’s crazy, and I mean crazy crazy, not the good kind of crazy!

Things that Actually Came Out of My Mouth:

What I said: It’s good to hear your voice

What I meant: I miss you

What I said: I miss you

What I meant: I wish you were here

What I said: I wish you were here

What I meant: I wish you were here right now

What I said: That sounds interesting

What I meant: That sounds terrible

What I said: I think we can make that happen

What I meant: Call me when you figure that out

What I said: You owe me $79.00

What I meant: Where’s my moolah punk?



 no reservations

[1] Thanks for all of your kind words and thoughts for my family. Everyone is hanging in there. The final “home-going” service was beautiful and it was bittersweet to spend so much time with uncles, aunts and cousins that I don’t get to see often. I don’t want to go too far down this road or I’ll be hiccuping and crying, hungover off of shots of tequila, singing “Circle of Life” with fried chicken crumbs all over my sweatshirt. No, no internets you do not want to see that!

[2] So, ye old blog is officially 2 years old today. A special shout-out to my blog-mother, Erica. Who needs to um, update her blog…. Now that I’m back from hiatus and refreshed, I want to do some upgrades around these here parts and expand the scope of the blog a bit.

I’m not 100% sure what that means yet, but keep an eye out for a new look around here and if anyone knows a talented web developer that can help me out…shoot me a note. I’m deathly afraid of altering anything for fear of losing my archives. I am that brand of narcissist that actually likes to go back and read my own stuff, there I said it. Suck it!

[3] One of the most beloved gifts I received this year was Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations. This is the book that I want to write, well, obviously he’s written this one, but something like this, that combines my minor talent for words, my sketchy photographic ability and my love for food with my absolute passion for walking around the planet asking everybody else what they’re doing.

My book will be loosely titled: With Some Hesitation: A Crazy.Black.Chick Stops by for Dinner. What do you think? Blockbuster right?!

You have to love a self-described “tall, goofy, white guy” who unabashedly drops “F” bombs and “Mother@#$@” all over the place. This ain’t your momma’s cookbook! It’s not a cookbook at all. it’s 1/4 food porn, 1/4 travel tales, 1/4 sentimental sap and 1/4 beautiful photos. I heart it so much that I want to sleep with it under my pillow.

[4] Has anyone else noticed that most everyone nowadays is anti-resolution? I am down with that. I haven’t made a resolution (for new year’s) in years. But I do have themes that have served as the catalyst for the last few years. As my dreams and goals for 2008 make themselves clear, I’ll share them here. I began by thinking, “how in the world can I top 2007?” and I realized that at 34.8 years old, I don’t have to.

So, what are your resolutions/non-resolutions? I really wanna know.

Parent’s Parents, ii



Crying, originally uploaded by funchilde.

She’s gone. Thanks for all of your prayers and kind thoughts for my Mother’s Mother. She passed yesterday as if to say that a new year held no appeal for/to her, she’d had enough, seen enough, done enough. My heart aches for my mother and her siblings.

I hope 2007 treated you well and that 2008 is the year that your dreams come true. Nobody deserves it more than you do, so be the star of your own show and the captain of your own ship. Be the center of your universe and the superhero in your story. Be the sun in your blue sky and the moon in your inky midnight. Be you…fully, wholly, unabashedly, hope-drenched, dream-tranced, blinded by optimism, choose your own adventure, love-filled….you. And get better at it Nobody deserves it more.




Crazy Stew

Life is kind of chill these days, lots going on, but no one thing is out of control, I feel dare I say…balanced…sort of? I LOVED the response to the last blog entry. I’m always fascinated by what people like to read and how they came to love the habit. I think Erica said somewhere that book recommendations are like wine, totally dependent upon personal taste. I LOVE Shiraz for example, but you can keep your bottle of Beaujolaise! But I digress. I leave you with a “stew” of things that are amusing, disturbing, and hopefully interesting. At the worst, you’ll kill 10 minutes of your workday!

[1] My friend and Semester at Sea Colleague Michael Maniates has an article in the Washington Post (WaPo) about how our need for ‘easy’ ways to go green, isn’t actually getting anything done. He’s smart + funny, so you’ll enjoy him as much as I do!

[2] Speaking of articles, yall know I love Malcolm Gladwell, who do I love MORE than Malcolm? David Sedaris of course, who has a hilarious piece in Esquire titled: “Six to Eight Black Men” and it is as ridonkulous (as SpinChick would say) as it sounds.

[3] I’m a badass/dumbass (take your pick).

Example number one: I was out until almost 2am on Friday night/Sat a.m. and my friend/colleague SpinChick still managed to drag me to an 8am Spin Class. I wasn’t particularly conversant at that time but I do remember mumbling something about “I hate your guts” but I’m not sure. At one point I looked over and she had rolled up her right t-shirt sleeve and she had a fake tattoo of a diesel truck on her bicep and I almost fell off the bike laughing.

Example number two: I went to bed considerably earlier on Saturday night but with more wine in my system (what?! you’ve never heard of the wine diet? it’s kind of like south beach with less food and more tannins) and managed to make it to the 9am Spin Class with KJ in tow. There were no fighting words or fake tattoos that time. But lots and lots of 80’s classic rock music.

Example number three: I am doing an Introductory Karate course in the Shorin Ryu style and I’m enjoying it. But every now and then I get the feeling that I’m a little too old to be messing around with this. My 23 year old private tutor has been studying this style for….16 years and after a workout with him on Friday night I finally understood the reasoning behind hip replacement surgery. So if you see me hobbling down the street with an uneven gait…don’t even stop to say Hi, just keep it moving and let me live my teenaged dreams in my (near) middle-aged body.

[4] I finished Kickboxing Geishas and I It was a fun, fast read and having been to a couple of the cities in Japan that the author visits made it more accessible. Definitely a recommended read for any Japanophiles. I am hoping to keep my eyes open long enough to start Stumbling on Happiness.

[5] I have a good friend who has returned to the often baffling, sometimes seedy and always entertaining world of dating. I have decided that observing a close friend date and experiencing their ups and downs is WAYYYYY better than actually doing it myself. All the fun, none of the expense and no STDs!

Speaking of dating, here’s two quotes that will be not at all applicable to my dear readers:

1. “You don’t pay prostitutes to sleep with you, you pay prostitutes to LEAVE.” (from the film Four Brothers which I watched saturday night w/ KJ).

2. “You’ll always lose money chasing women, but you’ll never lose women chasing money.”

There you have it folks! Words to live by! Aren’t you glad you checked in? Don’t worry about that slimy, nauseous feeling, it’ll pass!

Hey, can someone buy this for me? I heard this record out at a martini bar recently, and I must make it mine!


Happy Happy Turkey Day, Yall

I woke up yesterday and looked out the window to find snow, snow on the ground, snow falling. I cut my workday short and got the hell out of New England. This morning I shed my layers, wool sweater, Columbia wicking socks, fleece and sped towards my parent’s house in the glorious, 70 degree sunshine. I am truly thankful for changes in lattitude. I miss my housemates though.

I am grateful for so many things, and this year has been magical. The last couple of years really, and I thank everyone who has touched me and those I love in some way. I’m also glad that my mother’s mother is still hanging in there. And sometimes, that’s enough. I’m also grateful that my Dad is cooking turkey, my Mom has made sauerkraut and sweet potatoe pie, my nephew made his 5 cheese and macaroni and his Eclair cake. So I will be the recipient of all of their culinary talents. I will definitely be giving Thanks for that!

So, are you cooking or are you showing up at someone else’s house to eat? Holler at us in the comments.



“There are no shortcuts in life or in love. This pain must be felt. The alternative is much worse. It’s what makes us special, what makes us beautiful, what makes us worthy; the pain of how we love. But that pain is accompanied by something else, isn’t it? Hope. With your pain, there is hope. And that is where you are. Somewhere between agony and optimism and prayer. So you’re human. You’re alive. And that is what we have.”



Sometimes you’re lucky enough to realize that life is what happens in between breaths. It’s not the big things that stick with you, it’s the little moments of wonder that look innocuous on the surface that mean the most.

I got to see the Dartmouth College Gospel Choir perform today. It was among other things, just what I needed. I marveled at how beautiful the students looked in their youthful innocence, how fresh-faced and unmoved by life’s true troubles they seemed to be. The beautiful diaspora of ethnicities, the harmonious union of boy and girl voices, the unabashed joy at sharing their joy with us. The sensation of being in a packed auditorium with other celebrants, a private excitement wrapped in a public exuberance.

I love music, I’m particularly touched by great gospel music, and I was so certain that I would well up with unshed tears that I wear close to the surface when I hear gospel, that I brought a handkerchief. I am sentimental. I am super-sensitive. I am a sap. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. And no, I didn’t use the handkerchief. But I’m glad that I know myself well enough, and love myself fully enough to have brought it without fear.

Reset Button?

I am so ready for it to be Friday.

[1] Dear Distracted Driver: Thank you for almost side-swiping me and making my life flash before my eyes. It put a lot in perspective and made me feel a giddy rush of gratitude that I am alive. Actually that feeling hasn’t quite worn off yet. Please watch for crazy chicks on motorcycles, we’ll love you for it.

[2] Dear Karate class: Please stop kicking my @$$. I couldn’t close my fist and I have a helluva purple bruise on my left forearm. It is ON!! No more Ms. Nice Chick!

[3] Dear Frost: Go away. I’m not mad about having to scrape my windows on monday, but I am mad that you’re signalling the end of golf season. I need a few more weeks, you’re like a parent coming home from vacation early without warning.

[4] Dear motorcycle: I’m sorry that I dropped you in the driveway, I am distracted and busy. Forgive me, I promise to always feed you premium unleaded fuel and polish your chrome.

Last week was so…sublime, this week? Not so much. Let’s all turn off the lights, get under the covers, snooze and wake up and forget all this has happened.

And yes, I know that life is good. Great in fact, but even us eternal optimists have an “off” day every now and then.

Happy Halloween Ya’ll!

Obamania at Dartmouth


Obamania at Dartmouth, originally uploaded by AndrewCline.

The Presidential Debates are on campus at Dartmouth tonight. You guys might be watching it live now. Well, so am I because I didn’t win tickets in the campus lottery, but I’m taking my ire out on the hundreds of people milling in the streets in the path of my motorcycle.

This grand event has shut down parking everywhere within a couple miles of The Green (center of campus) and it has been a very great asset to have a two-wheeled method of transport.

This hotbed of cosmopolitan activity also hosted the Telluride Film Festival this past weekend. I DID in fact get tickets to that. I caught 3 of the six films showcased.

Margot at the Wedding, Into The Wild (to be released nationally soon I believe) and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (go see this if you ever get the chance-it was amazing).

So, on my last evening in town for a few days, I’m happy to report that I kind of feel like a New Englander. But with a southern drawl yall.

The Care & Feeding of the Human Heart


love 3, originally uploaded by funchilde.

I am safe and sound in New Hampshire, that bastion of “Live Free or Die!” attitudes, vests, birkenstocks and oil heat. I can’t believe I’ll be here for 9 months. Of course I have a ton of travel to do for a couple of clients, and possibly some fun stuff on the horizon, but for the most part, I’ll be as settled for the next while as I’ve been in almost two years. Even when I was working on the first phase of this project last year I knew that I was leaving for Semester at Sea even before I began. This time…clear blue skies as far as my mind’s eye can see.

I’ve been welcomed back like a long lost family member, I am overwhelmed at how genuine these people’s love for me seems to be. My affection for them is strong, I missed them deeply. I am happy to be back with my housemates D and J, I love walking the dog in the mornings, cooking every other night, being “the one that washes” while someone else is “the one that dries”, and all of this has got me thinking. More specifically, it has got me thinking about love.

WHAT? YOU, Funchilde? Well, erm yeah. I’m only human.

Can you list/name all the types of love in your life right now? The most intense love I have felt recently has been for my nephew, something about spending so much time together, sharing a room, seeing how my example/guidance/influence impacts his life and choices.

My love for my parents is a constant, like the steady beat of my heart, I couldn’t extract myself from it if I tried, but it is changing. We’re solidly in the “friend” zone, I enjoy their company immensely, would prefer to hang with them over anyone I know, but I also see the tides turning and have one hand on the door that will lead to me taking care of THEM. This is complicated and makes my throat itch to contemplate.

My love for my siblings is changing as well, we are all fully grown adult people. It seems that my baby brother’s wedding has altered him forever in my eyes, I now give him full adult/man credit. But it also highlights that we are on separate paths with little connecting us (we’re now in 3 different states and have been for almost two years) and I can feel the texture of my relationships with them changing, I’m no longer the dominant/eldest child/leader that they must follow, they are free to make their own choices with little to no thought about my opinion. All of this is good, but unsettling like Africa breaking off from Asia to form its own continent.

My love for my friends has matured to the status of Urban Tribe. We are housemates, companions, travel buddies, advisors and pains in the @$$. For my friends that are married (about half) who express (usually minor) envy at my freedom and lifestyle, we validate each other’s choices. I let them know that the grass isn’t greener over here, it just looks that way because they don’t have to mow it. And they do the same for me.

I have also realized how much I am maturing and feel like alot of growth is taking place right now. I am comfortable letting some relationships simmer on low on the backburner, where in the past I would have insisted upon full-on, front burner heat to address the situation. I know that not every person in my circle should receive the same “effort” and consideration, and that I can still love them to pieces and laugh it up when we’re together, without nary a thought about them when we are apart. I know that it isn’t necessary to give all you have, to have all you want.

In terms of romantic love? Today a colleague insisted that she was going to find someone “special” for me (in an effort to keep me here in NH-not because I asked!). I haven’t given up on love, in fact I’m probably second only to my brother in the incurable romantic department, but as I told her..”I don’t want anything until it’s ready and I’m ready…”  I realized that I have a couple of crushes (does anybody else enjoy having crushes? I love it), but these are on the back burner too, because the person I’m most interested in loving right now is me. Not in an arrogant way, but I am beaming inside that I’ve walked away from some potentially crazy situations in the last couple of years, but when you’ve had one bad carnival ride, you start to avoid carnivals, right?

I found out recently that someone I once loved is in a situation that may end, that things aren’t going well and that the dark clouds of a relationship on the decline hover on the horizon. Though I am long over the person/situation, I was so grateful to realize that I was sad that they might be hurting, that the pain of a relationship in distress is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I realized that I don’t care how the situation turns out (that’s not true, I’m such a putz that I actually hope they find a way to work it out), but I didn’t feel any “glee” that they might be in pain. It was one of those times when you can FEEL that you are emotionally healthy (or on the right track). Plus, one of the best things I’ve ever heard is “Resentment is like you drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Thus, I have been blessed with the ability to move on from things/people fairly quickly (note I didn’t say easily..just quickly).

I feel like I’ve made some healthy (and tough) decisions to keep certain situations/relationships platonic. And I mean serious temptation, like…nobody would ever know, different continent, vegas like-“what happens here stays here” stuff. Stuff that would only impact me, and probably not for the better, and I’ve walked away. All I want is the wisdom to keep doing that in every area of my life, but not be closed to the possibility of “crazy about you-can’t live without you-follow you to the ends of the earth-make you waffles every sunday”….love. But mostly I am enjoying BECOMING the right person versus focusing on FINDING the right person.

I would be fine if I were never in another marriage/partnership again. The prospect of “ending up alone” doesn’t scare me like it does some other 30-somethings I know. I guess if you’ve been in a long-term relationship that doesn’t work out, you know that it is better to be single and happy than coupled and miserable, but you also know you can’t say that to anyone who hasn’t been there.

So as for the care and feeding of the human heart? My guess is: first take care of your own heart, then gauge the quality of the relationships in your life (familial, friend, collegial, etc) to determine if you are gaining the skills to help nurture someone else’s. Don’t worry about whether or not the grass is greener, determine the quality of YOUR grass. Then remember that romantic love is 90% being the right person and 10% finding the right person.

But what do I know? Help a sistah out with your thoughts on L-O-V-E.